At this juncture, I’m sure most of you are wondering what this story has to do with mental wellness but I’m getting to that. Stay buckled up dearies, the train is about to reach it’s station.
So a few days ago in my moments of reflection, I realized the mistake that most of us make in relationships. I’ve personally made it so many times! We fail to acknowledge that a relationship, be it romantic or platonic, is determined by both parties. I know y’all are thinking, “but isn’t that obvious?” Here is what’s not so obvious to the majority of us. We most times, selfishly, expect the other party to always be at the same place emotionally as we are. That’s where the infamous, “I need space” comes in.
Stacey didn’t realize that by breaking off what they had with Nate, she had broken that part of him that vouched for and wanted that relationship. Just because she had resolved her feelings, it didn’t mean that she would automatically beg for his forgiveness and have him eating from the palm of her hand the next day. The desire to fix relationships sometimes makes us to unknowingly cut off the other party from the equation. Not realizing that, half of the relationship lies in the hands of the other party. Healing needs time,time is practically equal to giving the other party space. Nate needed the space to resolve his feelings too. He couldn’t feel what he felt for her before and in the midst of the hurt she put him through, Stacey wasn’t making it any better by suffocating him with her feelings. This in fact, pushed Nate further away!
Here’s where the mental wellness lesson comes in. We all want to have control. Control over our lives,our relationships, basically control over everything. Control is a dangerous obsession, it’s like a drug,a sort of addiction. Take it too far and you can lose everything you worked for or wanted. Just like an addiction, it may not only end up breaking your heart, but your mind too! We need to accept that the control we so desperately seek is beyond our reach. Learn to live life as it comes and to have the patience to accept that which doesn’t work out your way. The one who came up with the statement “my way or the highway” was, in my opinion, greatly mistaken. Or probably heartbroken! Either way, man is not an island. To exist with each other we must learn to accommodate each other’s wants and feelings. Easier said than done, I know. Let me try and make it easier to comprehend. Before you do something, always ask yourself if it was me,would I want the same thing done to me? If I act this way,will I have the right to blame another for how he/she reacts to my action? If I make my bed in this manner, will I able to lie in it? It will save you a whole lot of sleepless nights and mental disturbance.
With love and light😘😘😘