I had always believed that I was destined to love and give, cursed to feel every emotion that surrounded me. I believe “they” call us empaths; always feeling emotions that sometimes don’t belong to you,but someone you interacted with or a loved one. Always going out of your way to make the situation right. To save a downtrodden heart. The superwoman of the broken. I always felt obliged to be the bigger person. The one who had to understand others even though I was often misunderstood. That’s what they teach you right? Love and give unconditionally? So I did all that. Mother Teresa would have been proud for sure…but one day I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t recognize the person staring back at me.
I had given so much of myself that I was left in pieces. Stupidly, I still gave out the little that was left. What does that do to your mental health? It breaks you, leaves you depressed because you couldn’t help a situation. Depressed because you felt your efforts go down the drain. You felt unappreciated. Your whole life was based on the happiness of others but what about you? Did you forget yourself?…I asked myself.
In my attempt to being an imitation of mother Teresa, I lost myself in the service of others. It’s not a bad thing but when you do it without boundaries, my friend, you’ll come crushing down like I often did. I let in the negativity of others around me. I let leeches of emotions and light linger in my life. I was helping wasn’t I? I wasn’t doing it intentionally believe me, it was something I had within me. I was an empath. I still am but I have now discovered the art of saying no to that which I cannot control.
I lost so much in the quest of making others happy. I forgot myself. I was constantly harbouring negative emotions that turned me into a negative person as well. I lost one of the most important people in my life because of who I had become. I was rubbing off the negative energy to such a happy soul and I now understand that that person had no choice but to make the same decision that I make now, cut off all the negativity! Side bar: did the jam “cut it” come to mind? Lol definitely came to mine…moving on…
I have been trying to live a life that is beneficial to my mental health and as much as giving and loving unconditionally is good, sometimes it can be detrimental to your mental and eventually your physical health. I had noone to blame for my sadness or my depression because I let in too much that I wasn’t in control of. Its good to be aware of the fact that you are in control of your life, your emotions, who you let in and who you cut off. It’s okay to say no to that which oversteps your boundaries. Being a “yes woman” left me in tatters. It left me hollow. I now realize that in everything, there has to be moderation. Dr. Stalkman was surely right! But as much as he was, he was branded an enemy of the people. So likewise, you will be branded an enemy. You’ll be referred to as mean or selfish but you can’t give 100% when all you have in you is 30%. I am a humanitarian yes, but I realize I have limits, my mental wellness has limits. Do you have limits? Well create them today for the sake of your mental health.
with love and light! 😘😘😘