Yesterday was the last day of October, also known for the controversial Halloween celebration in the Western world, though it really seems to be catching on here in Kenya. Personally, I think it’s a holiday that people enjoy because you get the opportunity to be anything or anyone you want! what’s not cool about that? However, that “day of the dead” history to it kind of freaks me out! Anyway, moving on swiftly… So, instead of having a “happy Halloween”, I was pretty much having a “grumpy Halloween” and was indeed tempted to write a long ass blog post and do some serious verbal diarrhoea (or is it literary diarrhoea in this case?!), as a form of catharsis. The thing about me is I get bored really fast!! especially if I’m not mind blown or dazzled frequently or if I’m not learning anything new ( In my Mental wellness challenge! Part 1 blog,you’ll see that was a major contributor to the reason I quit my last job)…
Some may perceive this trait of mine as “maringo” but honestly, I have some major attention deficiency issues. You garra keep me entertained to fully capture my attention. It’s pretty much the reason for my poor choice of men smh. Always after the intrigue, unlocking the mystery *sigh* I wonder why I do some things to myself!…I feel like I am diverting from the point of this post again!..another trait I have, complete scatter brain. Definitely a result of the first trait I mentioned. So before I end up writing down all of my personality traits, let me get back to my order of business today. My Halloween epiphany…
So am having a horrible morning and I text my ninja and my best friend simultaneously to vent about how bad my morning is going…..hold up, Let me explain something before I continue. These two people always have an amazing perception on things that really complement my way of thinking (mostly because they are locco like I am) Therefore, I like passing things/ideas through them to get a different perspective of things. They’re like my council of elders, well part of it. If y’all are reading this, I’m trying to say you’re wise, not ancient. Don’t get it twisted. Well, this point isn’t coming through, is it! Today my brain is on 1000 thoughts per second and I haven’t even taken coffee all day. Please bear with me. My point is coming.
Okay, so my best friend sends me a reply that provokes my thinking. Something I had known but I hadn’t quite thought of it in the way she brought it out. I’m going to do a quick background summary for y’all to understand my relationship with this lady. We’re practically twin souls. My own mum,as close as we are, doesn’t understand me like she does. Sometimes I don’t even have to talk, she just looks at me and knows what I’m feeling. We met during one of my worst moments in life and when everyone else bought my fake smiles, she saw my pain. Despite the fact that she was more so, a stranger to me at that time. I honestly believe that God uses her to get to me and comfort me. I’ve never experienced such a holistic friendship and for the past 5 years that I’ve known her,I never feel completely alone emotionally because somehow she always understands me. Even when she doesn’t, she makes a point to try….Moving on to what I’m trying to say… I mentioned to her that I was starting to feel stuck again. My life was back to being a routine. I wasn’t content despite of what I had managed to achieve and here is what she said,
If you’re not mind blown by those words then I guess we all didn’t drink from the same well ( If you have read Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho, I guess you understand the reference but because I like people being in line with my thoughts, look out for my next post where I’ll talk more about “the well”) So this is where my epiphany came in. I realized that I will always be restless, I will always have an unquenchable thirst, I will always want more.Even when I get what I want, I always feel like I got short-changed because I always feel like there has to be more to it! It’s such a burdensome way of living, believe me! But that’s me. Probably why I’m single,now that I think of it and frankly, I couldn’t have it any other way. I kind of amuse myself with my obscurity. That’s my nature… but however amazing it is, it’s pretty much led me to depression at one point or another, in my life. Why? because I didn’t understand what I understand now. Well, at least not fully.
We’re always so focused on what we can get, rather than what we already have. Enjoying life with its little ( or major) complexities is what adds flavour to living. My friends sometimes make fun of my compulsivity to always accept a challenge but in this case, I see how my weakness can turn into a strength. For those who follow me on social media, you know I share a lot and today, this is what I posted.
For the sake of our mental wellness, It’s time we stopped fighting back at life. When it throws crap at you, tell it “challenge accepted!!!” and make that crap into gold, like the boss you are! As usual, it sounds easy when said but it’s going to be a whole lot of work! However, I believe we can make routine seem enjoyable because we’re awesome! right? Today is the first day of November.The first day of the rest of your life. A blank slate to scribble your greatness on. You can be anything and anyone you want. Has that sank in? Isn’t it exciting to be reminded of that beautiful fact? Now get into that rat race and teach yourself to follow different paths in the closed cage called life. Spice the race up a little. Be an awesome rat!
With love and light!😘😘😘