Allow me to be begin by wishing all of you a happy new year! Yes, I’m being that annoying person who says it in the middle of the year. I hope the beginning was everything you hoped it would be and that it will turn out to be a year of growth and prosperity.
In my last blog, Untitled, I was going through a life conundrum. I was trying to work out how I felt about certain things that I had shut out. I hadn’t allowed myself to deal with any of my emotions. Am I still loading? Well pretty much! Recently, someone told me that I should let the past go, do away with it, but how can I? How do you move forward without looking back to see where you came from? If you disregard the experience, where will you derive the lessons from? and if you act like it never happened, doesn’t the baggage just follow you around like a lost puppy?
I have always been a reflective person, an over-thinker per se. In my earlier years, I thought that it was a weakness. Eventually, I came to realize that it is also one of my most significant strengths but only if I acknowledge that some questions have no answers. This year has been one big question. Last year taught me how little I knew of myself and now, I’m trying to implement whatever I learnt. I’m trying to be as flexible as life would want me to be and let’s just be honest, It’s the most mentally exhausting thing I’ve experienced since my depression. I’ve lost the little control that I thought I had over my life. My perfectionism is technically non-existent because now spontaneity is bae. I let myself embrace each new experience and try to work with it. It’s exciting and horrible at the same time because I feel like my life is an endless tunnel of darkness. Just stumbling through, not knowing what I’ll bump into. An endless tunnel of the unknown.
Opinions; everyone will always have an opinion. You will lie to yourself that you don’t care but man is a social being, we are not islands. We want validation and acceptance. No matter how much we come up with quotes to mask our egos and back up our resilience, fact still remains that sticks and stones may break our bones, yes! but words? Words dig deep and clutch on to our mind and heart. I don’t know about you, but I can surely forget what someone said to me( scatter brain problems!) but I never forget how those words made me feel. Moving on to my point…the person you’re working so hard to become, is it for your fulfillment?Or is it for your mother? Brother? Neighbour? Is it an image you’re trying to keep up with? At the end of it all, everyone will have opinions, but those opinions shouldn’t be the core of your decision making. Do what brings fulfillment in your life. At the end of the day, you came into this world alone,you shall depart alone. You don’t have an obligation over anyone’s happiness but your own.
Friendship; are the friendships in your life temporary or are they to last a lifetime. Do lifetime friendships really exist? When it starts to hurt, do we go ahead with the friendships with our guard up, mental walls built higher than the great wall of china? Do we really forgive and forget or is it make believe? This year I shocked myself when I almost willingly let a friendship worth 15 years or more turn to dust. I feel exhausted of trying. Tired of holding on to things. I don’t know if any of you you are going through this as well but it creates a sense of fear in me. What if letting go is a mistake? What is it that they say again, about that which belongs to you will find a way of coming back to you?! Well I guess that answers my question. Sometimes letting go is necessary, it may hurt more that getting your pinky toe hit on cold day, but what if holding on is more toxic? If you feel you’ve reached your limit,let go of the rope. Pray about it, let God direct you into making the right choices. Relationships shouldn’t feel forced, if they do then it’s probably that time to accept that people outgrow each other and make peace with it. There’s nothing wrong with that,that’s just life.
Career/Job; don’t like your dead end job? Quit! how easily they say it in those inspirational quotes, rights? Makes you just want to walk in to your bosses office and hand in that resignation letter…and then what?? They don’t help you think through that part do they? Trust me I have been there and done that! but even after quitting I realized I wasn’t happy. I was confused and still tired. Tired of life. What I didn’t know is, the answer was right within me! Like quite literally! I was unhappy with myself, so no matter what I tried it wouldn’t change what I felt because I hadn’t resolved what was within me. So sometimes your job may suck but maybe you’re so unhappy with yourself and not that job. Do some soul searching, some introspection. Find that which gives you the will to live and go after it. Honestly, if you just go out there without a plan in this economy, honey! You shall suffer!
Here’s what I decided to do to make my routine life worth living;Create time to work on my passion. Your 9a.m-5pm job may be a handful but always try and set aside some time to work on what you love. In my blog post New Month, New Mindset! I resolved to find something exciting in my routine. That’s what keeps you alive. Don’t let yourself die inside while you’re still breathing, all because you let life drain all the creative in you, the fun in you or the passion in you. Yes, we need the job experience and food on the table,we all have to do what we don’t want sometimes so that we may one day get to do what we want….but! In the midst of all the hassle and bustle,Can you remember who you were before society told you who you should be? Find time to be that person, don’t lose yourself all in the name of image and monetary value. Your happiness goes beyond that.
So yes, life is going to take you through a roller coaster of untold emotions and events, but It’s always worth it. As cliche as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason. It’s hella uncomfortable and annoying if you ask me! but my only advice from this loading phase of mine is, Just keep your eyes open to the lesson, learn it and live it and don’t be so stuck up!
Until next time, enjoy the ride!
With love and Light! 😘😘😘