The concept of being intoxicated with anything that can prevent us from experiencing our own reality, is something that has become prevalent with time. You would rather be high on drugs, sex, a person, fame, heck even your job (workaholics know what I’m saying) than let yourself feel pain. Anything to fill the emptiness. The adrenaline rush that comes with it inevitably turns into an addiction. An addiction that slowly eats into you and suddenly it doesn’t come with the rush it once came with, it comes with a hollowness so deep, eventually your addiction becomes a self-destructive tool. Your kryptonite.
I wanted to be high on life, on partying, on friendship. Soon I lost myself, I couldn’t recognize myself. I didn’t feel the excitement that once came with it but I kept on, deeper and further. In between sobriety and your inebriated self. You feel them come alive, your demons. Hollowness and emptiness pretty much devours your soul. The forrum in which you found happiness turns into the playground that your demons come out to play on. The misery sets in, the sadness devours you. Your high no longer heightens your joy but now heightens your disappointment, your misgivings. Everything you worked so hard to run away from. It all comes caving in…
Here’s what I’ve learned from my recent mental breakdown, you can choose to hide behind a continuous sequence of temporary happiness, like I did, through getting a fix . Be it friendship, be it working yourself out to exhaustion, be it food! ( Lord knows food is bae!) or we can decide to face our pain head on and heal.
The choice is yours!
With Love and Light 😘😘😘