You have been a sweet sorrow, a fine mess and painfully beautiful.
As we ushered in the new year, my one wish was, “2017 please be good to me”. 2016 was a year of complete metamorphosis. I went through experiences I never imagined. My mental health was wanting, my social life was falling apart. My family; i was barely part of it anymore. I was drowning in my own misery. I was at the edge of a cliff, one more push and I would have fallen six feet under. I became a completely different person. Did things I never knew I was capable of. But one thing I like about change,as painful as it may be, there’s growth.
So this was it. The year that I would rise like a phoenix from the ashes of my despair. I took my despair and turned it around. Milked every potential I could get out of it. I fought vehemently to stay on my feet. Depression wasn’t going to get the best out of me this year and my God! It fought back fiercely!
They say that from tragedy, great work of art can emerge. The case of the tortured artist. So as I stared at the blank page of my blog one morning, I decided to come out clean. That I wasn’t as put together as some people might have thought I was. I released my demons which each letter I typed. The words bled of my pain and my heart was now exposed. It was at that moment, that I first spoke openly about the depression I was experiencing. I pressed the publish and share button and at that moment, I found meaning in my life again. My blog wasn’t just a thing I did to try out my silly dream of writing. It was my tool of war. The tool I could use to battle depression and testify to others that they could fight it too. My mental health advocacy began.
This year, in my attempt to step out of my own cage, I relaunched my mental health organization, Mental Haven. I got people on board and conducted a talk and several group sessions. I was no longer a victim of my melancholy. I doing something about it. I was surviving. In the process, I was helping others survive too and I couldn’t have asked for anything more or less.
I have formed several partnerships in my mental health advocacy and made beautiful friendships. My heart and mind have healed with each heart I have reached out to. It’s been really hard. There are many times I wanted to give up. There are times I felt like it was the end of the road for me but somehow, that tiny voice inside, kept telling me to just live. Just put one foot ahead and move. Drag myself if I had to.
So this is what I am taking with me as I leave 2017:
All that life demands from us is our ability to adjust to new experiences and situations. We can’t go through life relying on our own expectations. We’ll always end up disappointed but if we open up our minds and hearts to the possibility of embracing the unknown, stress levels reduce by far! I learnt this the hard way, trust me! But It’s one of the best lessons I’ve learnt in life and because of this, depression became way manageable!
It’s okay to be happy
We often feel guilty for being in a joyous state. Well let me speak for myself. I always feel like something is utterly wrong if I find myself happy. I always feel like something is about to go wrong. Always! But this year, I learnt that I am responsible for my own happiness. Cliche phrase! but totally true!
You’re on your own!
Before you jump in to tell me how you have a bae who supports you and all, this is what I mean with this statement; you came into this world alone, you will die and be buried in your grave alone. So live a life that is favorable to your own well being. Take care of yourself before rushing to take care of others.
So you didn’t get married at 25, or become manager at 30. Who cares? Well, of course you do, but that shouldn’t worry you. Unfortunately, society has conditioned us to believe that we have to achieve something by a certain time to be considered successful. What I’ve learnt is, do you hunny! Like I said you came into this world alone and you’re meant to achieve your own life purpose! Not the Kardashian’s, or that socialite you follow on Instagram. Everything happens when it’s supposed to happen. Give it time.
Leave the zone!
And not the friend zone (well good for you if you manage to leave that one!)… I mean the comfort zone. It’s so easy to get comfortable with just enough. But what if you were made for so much more, yet you keep limiting yourself? You don’t have to have a definite plan sometimes. Just start in the middle and you’ll figure it out as you go. Remember that thing that you’ve always wanted to do? Yeah, do it!
You’re not a superhero.
You’re human boo! You can’t save anyone but yourself! I realized that lot’s of times I stayed in toxic relationships because I thought I was the hero brought about to save the day. I wasn’t. Never have I been. Never will I be.The only person you have responsibility over, Is yourself. If you want to save anyone, start with you!
With these and other lessons, I hope to enrich my journey of life and also reach out to someone out there. This right here, happens to be my last post for the year and my 30th post since I began blogging. The number 3 has great significance to me. It always has. It’s considered the number of totality or completion and I believe with each ending is a new beginning. So as I end the year with this post, I also begin a new adventure, the new graceysthoughts.com website. Cheers to new beginnings!
I wish all my readers a Happy new year and definitely a prosperous one. I hope you get the strength to do everything you thought you were too weak to do. I hope you dare to dream. I hope you dare to act on it. You’ve survived 2017 dearie! I hope 2018 grants you the peace you so long for.
With Love and Light,