How’s your week been? Any self-improvement challenges that you’ve embarked on? On my end, it has been a week full of realization, as always.
This week I did a self-control test. To see how long I could stay without doing the small, unnoticeable, daily habits, I have adapted to over the years or basically, months. You think they’re minor issues, until, you try to stay a day without it and all of a sudden, it’s a battle between the little angel on your right shoulder and the little devil on your left shoulder.
I’d like to think that I’m an open book, but lately I’ve become somewhat private. I choose what to disclose and what not to disclose. My mind and soul have transcended to a new metaphysical level. I’ll talk more about that on a whole other blog post. For now let me narrate how my challenge went this week. Allow me to omit some information or use parables and metaphors. The time has not yet arrived for me to talk about some of those things in detail. Having said that, let’s proceed…
I’m trying to quit tea. There’s nothing wrong with tea (well of course in moderate amounts) but instead of using a phrase like, “the habit that shall not be named” like it’s some Voldemort vibe! I’ll just replace it with “tea”. As open and as enlightened as I’m journeying to be, I still haven’t completely unlearned some of the things scribbled on the cave walls of my soul. Yes, meaning, I am still kind of conservative. I haven’t yet found the courage to publicly announce every single flaw of mine. However, feel free to bribe me with food, I might dish out! Pun intended… Back to focus!
The tea…It started as a pass time kind of habit. Not much. Then it was a daily activity. Then it was something I did to treat my insomnia or gain appetite. Then it become something I got used to. It was part of my daily routines. Believe me, it’s nothing harmful but my issue with it, is that I’m losing control to it. I find that if I don’t participate in this form of ritual, something will get out-of-place. I might completely forget to eat (thus the weight loss sigh!) or insomnia will come out to play. Then, hello anxiety, my old friend. All because of the absence or lack thereof this activity. How does addiction begin? Once you lose control over a habit. Once you can no longer dictate whether or not you want it. It becomes a need. It all starts as fun and games then boom! Felicia can’t go bye-bye and you’re seated on a therapist’s office chair trying to figure out how it all began. In short, this is what I’m saying, Don’t leave these small things unchecked! They blow up from ant hills to mole hills.
So, I tried to show my tea habit whose boss and it was a victorious four days, up until yesterday. But seriously, why is it so easy to mess up towards the end? I am nonplussed! I had the most amazing realization from my failure though! I have learnt how to be easy on myself when I fail. It’s not like it used to be before. I’d be so negative, it always got me feeling so low. But yesterday I was shook! A positive thought preceded a negative one…”It’s okay Gracey, you haven’t achieved your goal but at least you’ve learnt that you can’t be in control all the time! Some days it’s okay to step back.” I felt calm and accomplished. Maybe the real goal here was to learn that, Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat (
In spirit of New Challenge November and the spirit of gaining back control over our lives; What’s your addiction, my lovely? Find out, admit it to yourself and work on it. Replace it with another self-improving activity. If it’s the money you spend on it, put it aside for a rainy day. If it’s that cake you can’t keep away from your mouth and your cholesterol isn’t too happy about it, introduce yourself to veggie snacks and keep yourself healthy. If you can’t stop taking back those “few” glasses of wine to ease off the stress; how about next time you get stressed, anxious or frustrated, you try out those push ups you’ve been putting off? The trick is to trick your mind that you don’t need those things until your mind believes you. Easy said than done, but unquestionably worth it!
By the way, I like tea. As in, the real tea! Awesome beverage. This has no relation to what I’m talking about but Just thought I’d put it out there.
With Love and Light,