“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
Change. it’s the one thing that people always beseech for but are never really prepared to embrace. You know what I came to find out? One can never be fully prepared for change. You just adjust to it.
It has been a year full of change for me. I’ve thrown myself into as much challenges as I could. I’ve dared what I deemed impossible. I have recharged my mind’s capabilities on how to withstand or to handle so many situations that proved difficult to tolerate before. I know, I know, “there she goes with the mental health talk”! But I kid you not! The things we can conquer with the calmness of our minds are truly mind blowing! Even our minds can be shocked! Your whole life can turn around just by the change of a single mindset you have. Our mission as human beings needs to be understanding the mind and the self. That way, the journey of self discovery begins.
Here are some of the lessons I derived from some of the challenges I dared to go through this November:
- Validation is for parking. I have stopped having the need to be understood by people. I came to realize this was a major contributor to some of the dark days I’ve had. I would sometimes express myself to a loved one, to mirror my thoughts, only to realize that this person, didn’t perceive the world as I did! It hurt most when it was my family that couldn’t understand me. I don’t know about you, but that used to be a serious deal breaker for me, until, I understood the secret; not everyone will think like you. I challenged myself to be my own cheerleader. keep running the race track that nobody else can see, but you. It comes with a lot of self doubt and stigma but in the long run, the journey gets done and on the way, many achievements are made. You don’t need any validation from anyone! To achieve your goals. You just need to cheer yourself on, no matter how hard or lonely it gets.
- Nobody owes you anything! Nada! not even an explanation. if somebody ghosts you or walks out on you, let them! If someone doesn’t feel your vibe, they’re entitled. The more I get to understand this everyday, the more control I gain over my life. I have come to let go of petty issues such as a friend not coming through at a time of need, avoiding fights with my partner over things that can ,honestly, be diplomatically solved via a conversation. I have come to understand the same way I shouldn’t get hurt, when a loved one disappoints, is the same way I shouldn’t feel the need to bend over backwards for people or feel guilty at times when I can’t go through with a promise/favour. Especially when I’m not in a position to. Highlight thuis, You, also, owe the world nothing!
- Say Yes! to opportunities. I’ve had this problem of doubting my capabilities. I’d even say, no, to opportunities because I felt I wasn’t “good enough”. But what is “good enough”? Allow me to answer you; it’s nothing but an illusion of perfection. It doesn’t exist! So, listen my darling, whenever an opportunity to try out something new arises and you have nothing to lose from it, honey, just do it! Live a little. The world is your canvas. Splatter different beautiful colours without shame. That’s your masterpiece!
- People you love will hurt you. Even your best friend and your own mother! That doesn’t mean that they’re bad people. It all boils down to lesson number two: no one owes you anything. Most of the time we get hurt because we hurt ourselves. Well, other times people are just projecting their anger or pain on you but here is how we hurt ourselves; we refuse to see things from the other person’s perspective. Yes, we should love ourselves, but I find that the more I love myself, the more I understand myself and most shockingly, others! I used to find it a real burden being the “bigger person” during most squabbles I was involved in. I had to be the one to come down to my antagonizer’s level. For once , I wanted to be the one who was understood and I broke my own heart each and every time someone never bothered. However, I’ve come to see how I can use this realization to my advantage. Viewing things from the other party’s perspective not only helps to rationalize the situation but gives you peace of mind! Who isn’t looking for that?
- When God says no, leave it! Forcing issues doesn’t make you resilient or an aggressive go-getter. Sometimes it just means you plain old stupid and stubborn! Many times I pray about something but at the back of my mind, as much as I claim that I would like God’s will to be granted, I’m honestly just there bargaining to get what I want. No matter how many red flags or answers God throws my way, I find I got stuck in that situation, Telling myself I’m doing good in humanity, I’m giving people a chance. Honey, is you mother Teresa? Is you superman? Just take your L and leave.
- Admitting things to yourself is harder than rocket science. Can I say it louder for the people at the back? Hold it, let me get my soap box… I’ve been on this self discovery journey for the past two year now and I can tell you for free, there’s no time you’ll easily accept you have a problem. Especially to yourself! I do a lot of retrospection, so, sometimes I stumble upon some, not so amusing,habits of mine and I always try to sit with each and every negative thought. Listen to it and embrace it. Shower it with love till the voices echo what you truly want to believe in. The reason I always emphasize on doing this process by yourself, is, because friends or another additional party (grandma,papa,brother etc) may misguide you. I’ve been in situations where I have walked up to a friend to tell them that I think I have a problem and they smothered me with so much love and statements like, “no you’re not like that” just to make me feel better. Which would work! However, I’d end up not solving the issue. I’d get comfortable with the thought that so and so doesn’t think I have a problem. Which takes me back to one of my favourite urban phrases, is she you? Is you she?….. I can relate with how difficult it is. Been there, done that. I shall most probably print a t-shirt on it! (Please do buy it! ) but the bitter pill is the one that heals you. There’s nothing sweet on this journey honey,just achieving the unachievable.
- Challenge yourself frequently. This month I have challenged myself to many escapades and missions. Some I’ve gotten the chance to share on this platform and some I haven’t. This particular aspect of my self discovery journey, has made me grow in ways I didn’t think I would. Well I’m pretty much broke and my wallet is the equivalent of an onion but I honestly feel richer, mind and soul. There’s nothing that matches up to that!
No matter how much advice I give or life experiences I share, there’s one thing that remains constant; the inevitability of change. You can always chose to remain the same but the environment around you will develop and the people around you will evolve. Purpose to be part of the evolution. Test your limits and mould yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be. I hope this #newchallengenovember changed someone’s life out there. Let’s see what December makes out of us, shall we?
With Love and Light,