“Out of the huts of history’s shame,I rise. Up from a past that’s rooted in pain,I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.Leaving behind nights of terror and fear. I rise..”
_ Maya Angelou.
I have been so occupied with work, keeping up with my social life and responsibilities that I forgot which day or month it was! I know, crazy! It’s September once again; suicide prevention month. Continue reading
As a child, my mama showed me these beautiful, petite flowers that bear the name “forget-me-not” I often wondered if they were named so because they were gifted to those that walked out of our lives. Friends, lovers, loved ones….were those tiny, blue, flowers a representation of lost love and friendship, or were they the representation of the will power to walk away from that which was not meant for you? How do I choose to see the flower now? Continue reading
This weekend a friend of mine was going back to her home town and my friends were shocked to see actual tears running down my cheeks as I said good bye. ” I have attachment issues!” I said dismissively as I shrugged off the whole situation, but the truth that I am aware of ,even as I uttered those words is, I do have attachment issues!
Looking back at my life, I realize that I always fought vehemently not to be attached to anyone. I acted like a mean girl, at times, as a way of retaliation. I insulted and complained about people when they dared to walk out on me, when all I really wanted was to fall apart in tears. I pretended to be a strong independent woman, who didn’t need anybody, when the truth was I couldn’t take the heart ache of one more person walking out of my life. So I claimed that staying single was a choice I made. I claimed that if a friend walked out of my life, they should stay gone!…All this was a defense mechanism. Continue reading
Today is one of those days. When my thoughts are racing at a thousand per second. That day that I wish I could do everything that comes to mind, all at once. That day when my heart is beating the hell out of my rib cage for no apparent reason. When my some what,carefully ,taken care of ,nails are not too lucky as they are subject to vigorous teeth action. That day when I want to do so much but can’t seem to point out what exactly is making me so worried or why I feel so unsettled and making my breathing so heavy. Continue reading
I promised you peace. I promised that we would be better if we helped people more or did things we loved. We convinced ourselves that our happiness is derived from serving others, so we went for it. We touched people’s lives and we were happy. We were happy for a moment, weren’t we? Then what happened? Why are we still so sad, why are we sinking in emotional quicksand? Shouldn’t we be dancing to a happy band? Continue reading
The concept of being intoxicated with anything that can prevent us from experiencing our own reality, is something that has become prevalent with time. You would rather be high on drugs, sex, a person, fame, heck even your job (workaholics know what I’m saying) than let yourself feel pain. Anything to fill the emptiness. The adrenaline rush that comes with it inevitably turns into an addiction. An addiction that slowly eats into you and suddenly it doesn’t come with the rush it once came with, it comes with a hollowness so deep, eventually your addiction becomes a self-destructive tool. Your kryptonite. Continue reading
Pain; it has a way of changing us. Sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worst. It all depends on which direction we choose to take. It’s human nature to avoid pain. Most times we wish it away, pretend it never happened. We create a make believe world full of what we perceive as happiness, “fake it till you make it” they say. So we walk around wearing masks and hide behind a facade. Continue reading